NFL Playoffs: Chicago Bears 35, Seattle Seahawks 24

Seattle’s “magical” playoff run has finally come to an end, and not a moment too soon. As I stated last week, football fan everywhere were one win away from rooting for this scrappy gang of misfits. Instead, the Chicago Bears put a merciful end to the Seahawks’ surprising underdog story. If you’re interested in similar tales with comparable protagonists, I recommend the “Air Bud” series, “Like Mike” or “Mr. 3000” to fill the void.

The Bears’ “balanced” attack: Let’s clear the air on this topic. Offensive coordinator Mike Martz is still very much insane. Countless analysts spent Sunday gushing about the Bears’ newfound presence in the run game. Starting running back Matt Forte ran adequately, though he averaged just 3.2 yards per carry and failed to score a touchdown. Forte also threw a mind-numbing interception with the Bears leading 28-3 in the fourth quarter. Martz couldn’t handle the simple task of running out the clock. Apparently, the fourth quarter of the divisional playoffs is the perfect time to experiment with new trick plays. The Bears built a big lead, and thus ran the ball more than usual. Don’t expect their commitment to the run to continue into next week. Instead, look for a punter-to-kicker-to-long-snapper reverse pass. This gem is filed under “QB kneel-down” in Mike Martz playbook.

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Who threatened the Seahawks’ family? Seattle played with some of the resurgence that surprised the world last week. Unfortunately for Seattle, it was a one-step-forward, two-steps-back type of game. Seattle did not merely shoot itself in the foot, it cut both feet clean off. The Seahawks dropped seven passes in the first half alone. Safety Jordan “Big Play Babs” Babineaux dropped an easy interception as well, effectively dropping the “Big Play” from his nickname simultaneously. Babs’ fellow safety Lawyer Milloy compounded Seattle’s defensive woes by filling his shoes with cement prior to the football game. Milloy was torched on a 58-yard touchdown pass from Jay Cutler to tight end Greg Olsen. Olsen is a good player, but certainly wouldn’t fall under the category of speedster. Milloy made Olsen look like Usain Bolt. Milloy could not be reached for comment, but rumor has it he eased his mind following the game with an episode of “Matlock” and a discounted meal at Denny’s.

This game nearly turned toward the end, however. Matt Hasselback’s inexplicable resurgence continued with three touchdown passes, all in the fourth quarter. Marshawn Lynch followed up one of the best runs in NFL history with four rushing yards. All three people who have Lynch’s rap song “Beast Mode” on their IPod deleted it following the game; one of whom was Lynch. I thank the Seahawks for making this a competitive game toward the end, but they weren’t cut out for the playoffs. I’m eagerly awaiting the impending Packers- Bears NFC championship. It may wind up an all-time classic.

Story by Jesse Jacobs, who also writes for The Ballston Journal

FINAL SCORE: Chicago Bears 35, Seattle Seahawks 24
JESSE’S PREDICTION: Seattle Seahawks 24, Chicago Bears 21

WEEK ONE: Wild Card Playoffs
Seattle Seahawks 41, New Orleans Saints 36
New York Jets 17, Indianapolis Colts 16
Baltimore Ravens 30, Kansas City Chiefs 7
Green Bay Packers 21, Philadelphia Eagles 16

WEEK TWO: Divisional Playoffs
Divisional Playoff Predictions
Pittsburgh Steelers 31, Baltimore Ravens 24
Green Bay Packers 48, Atlanta Falcons 21

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