In a surprising turn of events, the New York State budget was passed on time with just moments to spare last night. At the conclusion of a last-minute session in which Democrats and Republicans came together in a bipartisan effort create a new state budgetary plan, NYS Comptroller Tom DiNapoli revealed that funding for the new balanced budget would come from imposing new taxes on conceptual art, rock songs that include the lyrics “rock & roll” or “rock all night,” tattoos (especially those of skulls) and stylish shoes. DiNaploi was quoted as saying, “The affected groups don’t vote anyway, so what have we got to lose?” When reached for a comment, Gene Simmons said his group would be filing a lawsuit against the state as early as today.
In an Altamont Pennysaver exclusive, it was revealed that Nipper – one of the Capital Region’s most notable and beloved landmarks – is in actuality an alien space ship. In an effort to return to an undisclosed planet near the Big Dipper – Nipper in the Dipper? – the spacecraft is slated to take off on 12/12/12. Good seats are still available.
In business news, former nightclub impresario Charlene Shortsleeve told reporters yesterday that she was emerging from retirement to take over the reins of Positively Fourth Street, a popular Troy nightspot which closed last weekend. She plans to re-name the venue QE3.
Someone has actually offered to buy Opus 40 for the asking price of $3.5 million.
In the wake of Program Director and Vice President David Galletly’s departure from the WAMC-FM radio empire, Alan Chartock announced that the vacancy would be filled by the team of veteran Times Union staff writer Kristi Gustafson and automotive entrepreneur William Fuccillo. Chartock also unveiled plans to broadcast the mid-day show “The Roundtable” in 3-D.
On the sports front, former Siena College basketball coach Fran McCaffery emerged from a surprise meeting with former NBA allstar Michael Jordan yesterday, announcing that he’s reversed his decision to coach at the University of Iowa next season. Instead, he’ll remain in the Capital Region to manage the Tri-City Valley Cats.
And finally, In the early morning hours today, Colonie police successfully managed to extricate Bertand W. Summers, a 36-year-old florist from East Greenbush, from a traffic roundabout near Colonie Center where he had been trapped and circling for more than 36 hours.